Sinophobia is FAKE!

 HI EVERYONE! I have a hot take: 

Today I would like to talk about a concept that came to me when I was drunk. SINOPHOBIA IS FAKE~! Sinophobia is a psyop created by the big Xi and his greatest soldier, Li Jingjing, and our resident dog ZAPPER Hasanabi. The idea of sinophobia was invented by insecure chinese americans who are upset that Japan has anime, korea has kpop, and China has temu... Sinophobia was invented by big alibaba to make chinese americans think it's about West vs. East, trying to distract us from the riot games kernel level anti cheat!  

OK I'M DONE TROLLING, (or am i) BUT sinophobia is as real as "americaphobia" During covid when there were racist attacks done to asian people but racist people were not going up to asian grandmas saying "konnichiwa! ok ur not japanese... saranghae! ok ur not korean... NI HAO... YOU'RE CHINESE?? TAKE THIS!" they were just going after people with small eyes. racists can't tell no difference. Realistically, americans get hella flak online, people literally create fanfics of them "OWNING an american in a bar" then post it on reddit to get UPDOOTS! There's no word called americaphobia... and there shouldnt be. how stupid would it sound if I got called a FAT BURGER YANK in london and then i yelled "americaphobia!" by the way, i love burgers and i am a yank but i AM NOT FAT! I AM 110 POUNDS AND 5'8! FREEDOM UNITS ONLY!

I also have been getting this "asian fatigue" <--- I coined this term btw. I AM SO TIRED OF ABGS AND ABBs. "asian baby girl, asian baby boy" This archetype of asian has surprassed the kevin ngyugens, and they have DESTROYED THE STEREOTYPE THAT ASIANS ARE SMART. I have gotten profiled by OTHER ASIANS. they look at me and say, you look like you listen to keshi, and play valorant or league, and wear stussy. I HATE KESHI, HIS MUSIC SUCKS, and i HATE VALORANT i peaked only at gold 1. and i would never wear stussy in my life! I am not an "ABB", i like to do makeup and wear womens clothing, i like to play with electronics and build esp32 wifi 2.4ghz jammers! there is a difference! When i tell you i am tired of asian americans, i mean it fully. I have been around them for too long. BUT DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A "i want to hang out with white americans instead" BECAUSE I DONT! All they care about in my uni is drinking alc, doing drugs, and going out to frats, and rushing. and these stupid ugly frat boys, all they do is NOTHING. they walk around like they're the shit, with this certain strut. and they are SO loud. 

I WISH THE NRF24L01 range was longer, so I could jam bluetooth devices from more than 100 meters away! Tell me why these CLOSETED GAY FRAT BOYS are blasting their shitty playboy carti at 3 am. Don't they know about real music like, Plastic tree and glamscure and MUCC?? 

Anyways, there are 16 layers of Naraka waiting for Jeffery Epstein and his pedo friends. I hope Mr. Epstein has lots of fun in the the 8 layers of hot hell, then has a nice back splitting dip into the 8 cold hells

-sincerely professional hater hym the DEER  

 naturally, it's suddenly justified to talk about an individual once as long as you use your higher than thou morals to label them and treat them as the other. i know about it, because i once indulged in it. once i changed, once i was the nail that stood out. they just whispered, they didn't even attempt to communicate. my own character has been ostracized, by the untrue characterization from my own. its very simple. this is the contrarian. treat the zeitgeist as your enemy, get ready for it to fight back. it comes from your peers and your friends.  but then, at the end of the day, you're a radical

Winter break is over

Today is my last day of winter break. In a couple of hours, I go take a bus back to college. I'm not excited... It's a combination of a lot of stuff.

I guess I really just don't have energy for certain things. It's only about to be my second semester of my first year, but I already feel like I don't fit in. I don't have energy to socialize, but I feel obligated to. I don't particularly like a lot of people at my college, because all of them are prioritized on partying and greek life. It's not that there isn't cool people, I bet there are. Not to mention my dorm building is so noisy. It makes me so mad, why are people up at 3 am jumping up and down in the hallways? Oh and the food. I hate it. It's so bad I want to cry. Well it's not BAD as in inedible, it's bad as in super unhealthy and I NEED to eat it because I have a meal plan. 

My schedule this semester is the worst too. I am taking, two engineering classes, physics, geography, chinese. It sounds like it would be reasonable, but for physics I need to meet 6 times a week. I have physics twice on tuesdays... what?? And my uni has the worst physics professors from what I've heard. I actually despise this schools engineering curriculum

I don't really fit in with the people here, but I think that's just going to be the same no matter what university I go to. I've discovered that I hate frat parties and I'm not going to go out to parties this semester at all. I made friends in my first semester but just didn't click with most of them. I still kinda forced myself to talk to them because they aren't bad people + I selfishly didn't want to be lonely. Luckily I do like my roommates. I'm just exhausted and winter break was great because I could hang out with people that I liked whenever I wanted, and stay at home and read yuri whenever I wanted. It also sucks that I won't be able to do my DIY's anymore, because I'm not bringing a sewing machine all the way to college. I will bring my fabric paints, but I don't know whether I'd get the time to use it. 

My friend told me I just need to find my people, and he's right because I don't have a set group. I do have people I consider myself close to, but we are in different majors, different dorm buildings, and there's some other circumstances. 

I'm just worried I'm going to spiral again, being at home and having free time defintely did calm me down for now. I also want to find a job. 

 

Here's the last DIY I did yesterday, my last screen printing. Similar to the last one, I just turned this pullover hoodie into a zipup, did the faux fur stuff, then screen printed a design I stole from pinterest

Successful DIY!

    Before, and After! This is genuinely my most successful DIY, I'll explain my process. The original hoodie was a black H&M hoodie my sister gave me since she no longer worn it. I decided to make it a zip-up, so I went to hobby lobby and bought a 20 inch zipper. To turn it into a zipup, I seam ripped the "V" part of the hoodie at the top to make it possible to cut it in half. After I cut it in half, I sewed on the zipper by halves. It's very important to sew the zipper inwards. I will not lie: I quickly learned that I needed to learn how to sew straight when I started sewing. I was getting away with it by doing patches in the past, but now this was very important. I was getting super frustrated with the machine because my clothing kept on drifting to the left. But I realized there was an easy fix, which is to actually put the entire garment on the damn feeder dials... If you can see on this photo below, I was not doing that, because I am retarded. But despite the stitch being so ugly on the first half, on the second half of the zipper I did wayyy better. I completely neglected to do a top stitch for the zipper which is recommended but I really just did not want to do it. Also, I don't have black thread. (just making excuses for myself, this is why I hate myself). The second thing I did was add the lace on the hood. I got the inspiration from j-fashion, especially subcul styles. I kinda just winged the sewing for that. 

Lastly, THE SCREEN PRINTING. I spent so much time on it, and I'm so happy with how it turned out. Screen printing has been one of my biggest friends and enemies. With my leftover amazon gift card balance, I bought this entire kit for screen printing from Speedball. Screen printing is basically creating an ultra detailed stencil using chemicals (photo emulsion). And it takes SOOO much trial and error. 

If you can see on the right side of the hoodie, that was my first failed attempt with the screen printing. Honestly I'm not even mad about how it looks right now, right now I just look at it and think of it as a sign of my labor. 

recent clothing projects + america is not a fascist country and isn't becoming one

 what a crazy title, right?

anyways: i am not conservative, i am not ultranationalist, and i am not MAGA. 

I'm a proud american, and like this country. The fact that a lot of my friends who think that having pride for my country and having some conservative views means I'm MAGA. I don't operate like that, if anything I'm still moderate democrat. But I operate based on having fundamental values and choosing my opinion on stuff, rather than having a team and choosing my opinion based on that team. I believe in: LGBT rights, freedom of speech, freedom of expression (clothing expression, crossdressing), POC rights, abortion rights. But I also: think the police aren't so bad, hate policing people on words, think the recent Maduro capture was justified, find "don't talk to me if you're a republican" stupid as shit. 

this was my first time screen printing, this is a plastic tree t shirt i made. I accidentally underexposed it, and i'm not the happiest with the result, but i'm pretty sure i can salvage it.

America is not fascist, and isn't becoming a fascist country, and trump is not a dictator. Facism: "Fascism is characterized by support for a dictatorial leader, centralized autocracy, militarism, forcible suppression of opposition, belief in a natural social hierarchy, subordination of individual interests for the perceived interest of the nation or race, and strong regimentation of society and the economy"

Trump is not a dictator. People point to venezuela as an example: because trump executed a military action without the permission of congress. Congress has the power to declare war, but the president is the commander in chief. They have the ability to carry out LIMITED military procedures, and usually in response to terrorism. For example, in 2011, obama carried out the mission that killed Osama Bin Laden. It was not approved by congress, but was legal under both US and international law. Dictators and fascists have opposition leaders killed. Maduro, the president of venezula, DID have opposition leaders killed. a lot of them.

I hemmed the shirt because it was too long for me, I got a bunch of them from my friend who said he didn't want them anymore. He wears size L, so these shirts were too long for me

My biggest issue with trump is the epstein files. He's obviously in them, and I hate pedos, I want all of them to drop dead. But when it comes to people saying republicans are trying to "take their rights away" i strongly strongly disagree. People generalize republicans like crazy. I have a friend who's a christian right leaning person. We agree to disagree on tons of stuff. He loves nuclear power, walkability, public transport, affordable housing, and he's a conservative. Isn't it crazy how people who say they "hate all conservatives" would just never want to be his friend, even though they probably have so much in common? 

This is a pretty successful project i had. I turned this old pullover hoodie into a zipup. I bought the zipper from hobby lobby. I'm not done with the hoodie yet. I'm planning on sewing on some lace to the hoodie and sleeves to make it look more frilly and girly, and then I'm gonna screen print some more plastic tree stuff on the front and back. 

Anyways, I don't think america is a fascist country and I don't think it's becoming one. Anyone who thinks american is fascist can have a conversation with me, I'm not aggressive and I'm open to changing my mind.

Happy new year

 Happy new year, it is currently 12:31 AM on 1/1/2016

I'm just kidding, its 2026. But this year I want to get closer to my true self. I want to do cool stuff. I'm excited to change a lot of stuff on my website and blogger. I excited to post more on youtube. 

This christmas eve I spent it outside with my family. I had a dentist appointment, the dentist said I was doing a good job. I'm glad because I actually floss everyday. Somehow I still got a cavity, but its ok because she removed it. I spent the day sleepy because I took melantonin last night, but its ok. I went to eat and then my dad's friend brought us up to a high floor where we got a great birds eye view of my beloved city. 

Which do you think look better? 

This year wasn't the best, it wasn't the greatest. My family dealt with a lot of stuff. I got into college, I moved into college, I turned 18. I'm an adult now. Despite me changing a lot, I still feel like I'm still a little kid. And I don't mind that right now. I'm proud of myself for taking initative to do things I've always wanted to do. This was the first year I crossdressed, the first year I cosplayed, first year I did makeup, I have this website and blog now, I started sewing, I locked in hard for engineering. 

I do hope things get better. I want this 2026 to be the year I create a lot. I have many projects and ideas, and I want to create. I see social media talk about how we are gonna make 2026 like 2016. I honestly like that idea. I don't know how I'm gonna go about doing that, but one thing I've already done is kind of turn my instagram into very 2016-esque, same with a lot of UI stuff. (Yes i'm a bum and I emulated my linux to look like windows 7 haha). I have been having fun with retro stuff, but I think to bring back retro into reality, we need it to stop being retro and for it to be just what's the most accessible, and that's already coming back. A lot of gaming on consoles, physically owning stuff, creating own digital spaces. That's all good stuff. 

I hope whoever reads this has a good new year. 

christmas + today + clothing project

 today is december 28, 2025. 

Today just didn't exist for me. yesterday, I laid down in bed and slept at 10 pm to 1 am. I got up and brushed my teeth, then joined discord with a couple of friends. I was there until 3 am, but I wanted to sleep because I wanted to fix my sleep schedule. I laid in bed... 4 am, 5 am, and then it was 7 am. This was the first time I've ever stayed up this late. I don't know how, but I finally fell asleep at 7. Then I woke up at 2 pm, and stayed in bed until 4-5 pm. I got up for my first meal of the day, then hopped back into bed and slept until 9... which is now. This is kind of sad, I'm gonna take melatonin today so I can sleep hopefully at 12-1. 

Anyways about christmas, it actually was great. This was a good christmas. It's been years since christmas felt so lively. I think 6 years. 2020 was, yk , empty. At that time I still had jolly and probably still believed in santa. 2021, I spent the day huddled up in my room, couldn't see my family, and played hypixel skyblock while on discord call. Other years up to now just didn't feel so lively because a large majority of my family could never come. But 2025 was good, at least. 

I got presents, I was very happy. One of my cousins bought me a hollister hoodie with stars on it, and there's fleece inside. It's very warm. Another one of my cousins bought me a cinamoroll ramen bowl :O

So cute, and another one of my cousins got me a small waterproof speaker so I can listen to music while showering now! I just know my roommates gonna hate me. 

Christmas felt good. This year I didn't feel so much christmas spirit because the first half of december was finals week, so obviously you don't feel so much spirit when you're studying hard. I hope next year, I become closer to my ideals and recover from whatever I got going on in my head right now. The new year is right around the corner! 

I've been going outside too much recently. Now this is pretty strange for me to say because I like home, but I keep going outside. You see for the past 2-3 yrs in highschool I became super insecure about being lonely and not hanging out, so I forced myself to make plans. Or at least I was stuck with the idea that I NEEDED to spend school breaks hanging out because everyone else was. This time, I'm not doing that anymore. But I've mainly been going to places alone for fun or just to grab some stuff. I've been a frequent at michaels, grabbing fabric paint and fabric for sewing. Speaking of sewing, check out one of my projects. 

I only censored the bottom right because it's my full mandarin name. Not that it's on very many government docs, since I live in the US, lol. people with keen eyes with be able to recongnize that 黃 is in traditional :). I dislike simplfied, but i have no problem with ppl using it. anyways, I used a squeeze bottle diluted with red and black paint mixed with water for the blood, and I stenciled the crosses using cardboard. I used a fabric pencil for the writing, and the photo doesn't show it well but I sewed a ripped up piece of black fabric to the bottom of the shirt too make it look even more beat up

Oh and I forgot to mention but this is my old high school gym uniform. Never will wear this shirt ever again, so I had some fun. Anyways, i need to eat dinner now. and I want to watch some more yuri. 

merry christmas

 to future me, and to whoever sees this. I really want to start writing long blog posts again, I don't know why I'm acting like such a fucking chud and dumbass who treats blogging like writing 2 sentences. I promise I will write a nice long blog just to get everything out and write about christmas too! I went to a christmas eve party, it was nice, and I just remember how last year on christmas eve I walked to the pier alone, sad, and cold.